Dumb Family
by GrifterOUATBieber
Summary: This is a one shot fanfic. It is a story of pretty much where everyone, except Emma and Mary Margaret, are acting really retarded. Do not read if you do not have a good sense of humor. Hopefully it will make you laugh. Please review this dumb story. Rated M for language. It's Emma, Regina, Snow, David, Hook, Henry, and Zelena. Hope you like it! BTW sorry I messed up a bit on words


Emma went over to Regina's and went upstairs to found Regina with the bathroom door wide open, taking a shit on the toliet.

"Regina, what the hell are you doing?"

"Going to the moon. WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M DOING EMMA? I'M TAKING A SHIT!"

"Oh okay, geez, ain't gotta be so pissy."

"The fuck you say to me?"

"Saying you ain't got to be pissy. Bitch."

"I will kick your ass, once I am done taking my lovely shit."

"Whatever."

Emma walked downstairs and saw Henry in the closet upside down drinking blood. "Kid, what are you doing?"

"Drinking blood. What else?"

"What the? How did you get blood? Why do you need blood?"

"Mom told me I am her beautiful vampire boy now and said to drink Grandma's blood."

"Which one?"

"Not sure, didn't ask. It's delicious though."

Emma just walked away. She then saw Zelena in the kitchen, eating eggs, on the toaster. Then she noticed she put some orange juice in a bowl. And noticed that their dirty clothes were in the fridge and everything in the fridge was in the washer.

"Did you all just waste food?"

"Maybe. What is to you Swan?"

"Just curious. Aren't you all going to get hungry?"

"Nope." Zelena responded. "We drink blood now."

"What about you?"

"What you mean?"

"You're eating normal food."

"Just the last bit, then I'm going straight to blood."

Emma then walked out and saw her father and Hook slow dancing with one another to "At Last"

"WHAT THE HELL DAD?"

"Oh hello Emma!"

"Dad? Are you okay?"

"Oh yes. I just divorced your mother for Hook! Isn't he dashing?"

"Dad I used to be with him!"

"So, he can have a taste of all the family!"

"OH MY GOD, DAD!"

"There you are Miss Swan!" Regina said, with her pants to her ankles. "I was looking all over for you."

"What the hell Regina! Pull up your pants!"

"NO, YOU CANT TELL ME WHAT TO DO, I'M THE QUEEN AND YOU SHALL ALL BOW DOWN TO ME!"

Just them, Emma saw her mom coming. "What is going on Emma?"

"I don't know, everyone is acting really weird." Emma looked around and noticed Regina was starting to take off all of her clothes, then saw that Henry was drinking more blood, then he got vodka and mixed it. Then she noticed her dad and Hook making out. Then noticed Zelena was in the kitchen, eating glass.

"I think they are all high and drunk." Mary Margaret said.

"Even Henry?"

"Probably so, it runs in the family dear."

"So you're telling me that Dad didn't really divorce you?"

"No."

"Okay, good." Emma said. She walked over to Regina to ask her something. "Hey, who's blood is Henry drinking?"

"My mother's dear."

"Why is he drinking your mother's blood? How did you even get your mother's blood? Why do you even have her blood?" Emma asked.

"One, too many damn questions. Two, he is drinking my mom's blood because he is a vampire." Regina said. "Third, I got my mother's blood from her dead body. And fourth, I have her blood because who knows, it might help me do another curse or spell. Why does Rumple have my damn tears?"

"I don't know, how did he even get your tears? You actually cry?" Emma asked.

"Emma, I have feelings too, you know."

"I know. But why are you naked?" Emma asked as she just realized that Regina was completely nude.

"Nice body Ma." Henry said.

"HENRY, that is your mother!" Emma said.

"But one, she adopted me, were not blood. Second, I was just complimenting her, it ain't like imma fuck her."

"Henry, language!"

"Geez, sorry. Imma go eat some glass, peace out." Henry said as he walked into the kitchen with Zelena.

"Zelena, why are you eating glass? How is your mouth not bleeding?"

Zelena opens her mouth and blood starts pouring out. "What you talking about?"

"Oh my god, Zelena, your bleeding alot!"

"I don't give a fuck. I like the taste of my own blood."

"HENRY DON'T YOU DARE EAT ANY GLASS."

"Okay mama, I won't." He said as he got a cup and took some of Zelena's blood that was pouring from her mouth. "Thanks Aunt Z."

Emma then ran out to Mary Margaret as she was filming David and Hook. "Mom, do you think Zelena will be okay? She is bleeding out of her mouth alot!"

"She'll be fine dear, like I said, we have a dumb as hell family, everything going to be alright."

Emma just stood there and realized, her family was pretty fucking retarded.

**THE END**


End file.
